i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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