Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
