How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
