Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
