he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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