Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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