Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
