but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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