as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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