I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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