So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
4 words: hood of his car
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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