I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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