I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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