You can't motorboat a personality
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
