You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
