he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
