He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize