Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
