Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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