Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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