The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
