Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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