If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
