And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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