What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
