Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
