All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
