I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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