is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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