Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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