Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
