I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
