you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
