i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
