my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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