I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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