Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
