I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
