Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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