just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
