i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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