I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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