I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize