THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
