Say something about gay babies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
