we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
