i will never coherently bang her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
