she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
