I wish you could order shots online.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
