He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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