I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
