My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
