What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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