Porn is love you can see.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
