Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
