the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
