Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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