my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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