You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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