Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
