Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
