So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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