Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
