I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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