Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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