addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
