i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
