im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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