There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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