Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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