Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
