I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
