"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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