My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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