gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
