I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
