They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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