I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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