Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize