I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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