By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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